by Megan
I love words. They make me happy. I wear terms like "wordsmith" and "grammarian" like badges of honor. Using just the right word in just the right place brings me tremendous satisfaction. This also makes me a big nerd, but that's another story.
As much as I love words, however, there is one word that never sits well with me.
Home.
As in, "Where is 'home' for you?" or "Are you going home to see your family this Christmas?"
When people ask me these questions, I cannot craft a good answer. Maybe it's because I've lived in five different states and have left pieces of my heart in each one, or maybe it is because the length of time I have spent in those different states does not correspond to my feeling of belonging there.
So this move to Pennsylvania is complicated for me. Do I have connections to Western PA? Absolutely. I went to high school and college there, and my parents and younger siblings live there, not to mention my husband's extended family. But traveling to Pennsylvania has never felt like coming home. It's not that I don't love certain things about it (like the fact that our families are there). It just never felt like MY home. Lindon, having spent 26 years in PA, has no such qualms with calling it home. In fact, for as long as we have been married, he has talked about our trips to Pennsylvania as "going home," and I have always corrected him by saying, "Home is where our house is. We are going BACK to Pennsylvania to visit." That's a word nerd at work.
So what will happen when the place where my husband is from, the place where most of my family lives, and the place where I live all meet? Well, I guess I will be home. But what will that feel like? What will that look like? How much does a sense of belonging play into feelings of home? What about the sense that I am FROM a certain place? And to what extent is a sense of homelessness justified this side of heaven? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I guess I will learn.
This blog will be, in part, a place for us to come to terms with what "home" means for our family life and ministry. It sounds a little nerdy, but the implications feel very practical for me. You can watch my wrestling (or floundering) from the sidelines, but I would love to have you enter the conversation, too.
Have you lived many different places? If so, where do you consider home? If you've lived in the same place all your life, what makes that place feel like home? Anyone else out there ever feel "homeless"?
I grew up in one place (Western NY), went to college in Western PA, lived in three different Denver suburbs, spent two (non-consecutive years) in Western VA, lived in Eastern VA for about half a year, and have now spent two years in SC (though will be moving again within the year).
ReplyDeleteSo, "home" is an interesting and sometimes difficult concept for me as well. I usually answer the "where is your home?" question with "I grew up in NY, but currently live in SC." Which means I don't really answer the question at all. I suppose "home" is more of a feeling to me, a sense of belonging in a place. For now, then, I include myself in the "homeless" camp (though I usually use the word "nomadic" to describe the feeling).
For me, home is where there are people I love and people who love me. I grew up in Southern MD, spent college in PA, live in WV for 5 years, then back to a different part of PA, etc. Although my parents do not live in the same state I grew up in, I call visiting them "going home." I also refer to visiting Dave's parents as "going home."
ReplyDeleteI remember driving home from work one day greeting Dave with tears because even after 2 1/2 years in WV, it still wasn't home. Yet when we moved to Harrisburg, PA, it felt like home within months (granted it was near where we went to college and there were some college acquaintances still in the area) but I think it was the depth of friendships made there that made it feel so much like home.
Although, I doubt I will ever consider STL "home" (now or in the future), there are moments when I know I'm "home." It's when my four kids are running through the house chasing each other with light sabers (okay the youngest just sits in one spot and tries to eat the light saber) but they are all having a ball and making a raucous. Or when the big kids ask if they can take the babies outside for a walk. Moments when my heart swells because of the love shown between the members of my household, at those moments, no matter where I am physically located, I AM HOME. For me home is not a location, but people (some I'm related to and some I am not).
I enjoyed reading your thoughts because they seem to similar to what I feel. I grew up in Butler, went to college in North/Western Ohio, moved to South Carolina for 2 years, and now live in East Tennessee. And during those years I spent months in Maryland, VT, California, Florida..... the list goes on. So where is home now? Yes I grew up in PA, and it is my parent's home, but not mine. I currently live in TN, but I am still adjusting to that. When asked "where is home" I usually say "I live in TN." At the end of the day, I live with an amazing man and we will one day have a family together. My home is where we are together--- whatever state that ends up being. Hang in there. God has his plan. He will surround your "home" with love and great things.
ReplyDeleteReading your thoughtful answers has really helped me think through this issue. Thank you all for your insights! The more I think about it, a place feels like home when I feel known and loved in that place. Those factors go a long way toward making me feel as though I belong in that place. Pivotal moments also make a place feel like home, so in many ways St. Louis will always be special to me because this is where our first two children were born. But ultimately home will be where my boys are, and being with them brings me home, no matter where we are.
ReplyDeleteI just happened upon your blog post today and was delighted to see someone else working on defining home in a very similar way. I just wrote a blog post about the same topic a little over a week ago: http://dandak.blogspot.com/2012/01/redefining-home.html.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that you and your family are doing well!